I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
