i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She announced her abortion via fbk
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
