Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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