Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
