I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
