i barfeds in our rink
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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