Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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