The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
