nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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