well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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