I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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