Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
two words: eviction party
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I want a musical about memes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
