I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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