Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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