He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
