I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
