Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
