Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
