I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
