Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
