You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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