Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
