I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
