Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
