I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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