I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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