There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
