Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
