he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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