I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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