when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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