Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
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my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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