Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
