omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Randomize
