I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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