this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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