im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
