Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
