my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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