i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
