successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
