the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
