Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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