Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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