My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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