I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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