Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
