There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
