you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
