If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
