Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if only i could text you this smell
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
