I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
