I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
