i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
