Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
