All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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