Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
