there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
