A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
