You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
