The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
