And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
