A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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