what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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