Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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