oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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