Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
