I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
