I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
