what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
