I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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