I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
