On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
