God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will pee on everything he values.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is my gift to your gina
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
