I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
