reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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