Define "chronic" masturbator.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
