I want to make a zoo with you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
