We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
