im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
