evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
