Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
